Face it. Your penis is lonely. If you argue the contrary, you’re a liar and a whore.
Where was I? Ahem. Oh yes, your penis. It’s lonely. It spends most of it’s time buried in the dark cotton tomb that is your underpants. When it’s not wrestling one of your hands, it’s hanging upside down like a fruit bat in a cave, patiently waiting for the day that it may see the light, fly across the barren landscape, and taste the sweet fruit it yearns for.
Now your biggest concern is probably that your penis will be out of practice after having been cooped up in your underpants for so long. And for the first time in your life, you are correct about something. It WILL be out of practice. It will behave awkwardly, stutter, vomit, and/or faint. Imagine for a moment that you (dumb, smelly) were to sneak into a party of Learned Men (strong, heroic, sharp, intelligent, confident, fit, etc.) Since you’re not–and never will be–worthy of being in the company of Learned Men, you will never be able to function properly in a setting where you might have to be surrounded by people who are infinitely smarter than you. The only way that you could ever possibly prepare yourself for such a scenario, would be to practice.
Now imagine that you are your penis for a moment. Now stop. When you come face to face with your preferred destination, do you want to behave awkwardly, stutter, vomit, and/or faint? We’d assume not. Do you want to stare blankly at it like it’s an unsolved Rubik’s Cube? We don’t think so. Which is why we’d like to suggest that you keep a roast beef sandwich in your underpants at all times. We believe that this is the best way to get your penis acclimated to being in close proximity to folds of meat, and truly believe that you’ll see incredible results.
You can thank us later.
Foul. i am a vegetarian, broadcaster, and a man. A man with morals, and a sense of what is morally acceptable.
You should be ashamed.
[...] our “Keep A Roast Beef Sandwich In Your Underpants” post, Davis, from New Zealand writes: Foul. i am a vegetarian, broadcaster, and a man. A man with [...]